"Sir, I think you hit a man."
This street holds lots of memories for me, not only because this is the street I lived on for a month in Malaysia, but because it is also where my Uber driver hit an actual human being with his car. Did he live? Read on to find out more. Just kidding, it's kind of messed up to use someone else's life as a hook to reel in readers. You can probably tell by this lighthearted tone that he was fine. Unless he wasn't. To find out more, read on.
Our trip started off rocky due to my lack of solid wifi. The Uber app wouldn't load my location correctly and right when it showed the driver getting close, my app would freeze. I would look up and catch a glimpse of the car turning down the wrong road towards whatever wifi-less purgatory Uber takes their drivers. In order to regain proper Wi-Fi I had to run into Subway and buy a sandwich to get access to their semi usable Wi-Fi. By the time I got into the car, my driver was understandably annoyed and I had only been able to eat half of my sandwich, so we were both in bad places.
I was apologizing to the driver and he proceeded to reprimand me as we turned onto the main road. Right as he finally seemed to be getting over the annoyance of the morning, saying, "It's okay, we all make mistakes," I heard the unmistakable thud of a human body hit the side of the car. I spun my ahead around and watched a man fall off the moped he had been climbing onto, drop to the street, clutch his arm, with the moped landing unceremoniously on top of him.
I spun, wide eyed towards my driver, who continued to drive. I was in complete shock, holding my half eaten sandwich in front of my mouth and said, "Sir...I think you hit a man."
I.E. Understatement of the year. He continued driving.
"YOU HIT A PERSON!"
He sighed, annoyed, and pulled over. While the driver pulled over, the dude he hit had walked (HE'S ALIVE!), holding his elbow into the shop he had just rented his moped. That's right people, talk about bad luck, he had JUST rented a moped and hadn't even driven it yet. In fact, he hadn't even successfully climbed onto the moped yet, before he got sideswiped by my Uber driver. The woman, who I'm assuming he rented the moped from, came out and started yelling at the driver.
I'm watching all this unfold from the backseat and before I fully comprehend what is going on, both people hop into the car.
"Are you okay?" I asked the guy clutching his arm.
"Yah, I'm fine," he said dejectedly.
I went to take a bite of my sandwich, ultimately decide that might be inappropriate and placed it back down on my lap. That's when I realized, the car was moving.
"I'm just going to drive them the the hospital and then I'll drop you off," my driver said to me.
Uh...what?! I thought to myself.
"Uh...what?!" I said out loud, what am I even still doing here? Curse you sandwich for distracting me!
"I'll just drop them off and then take you."
"Oh..no...uhm..I'll get out here."
"Well then I'll have to cancel your ride." "Yah, that would probably be best, you can just let me out here."
"No, no, I'll drop them off and drive you to your destination."
"No, just let me out here. Thanks!"
The tension in the car was obvious and very awkward. The woman was glaring at the Uber driver, the man was dejectedly holding his elbow and I had continued my internal Larry David-esque debate over whether I could finish my sandwich. Meanwhile, the Uber driver still seemed determined to remain far too casual about this whole scenario. I hopped out the car on the side of the road, wished the dude with the arm good luck and watched them drive towards the hospital.
I looked down at my app, realized I had no Wi-Fi to report the accident, ate the other half of my sandwich and started walking back towards Subway to try again.